One year later...

This day a year ago changed our lives.

On this day exactly one year ago, we left our friends in Salt Lake City in order to head to Nebraska. John had a meeting scheduled for the next morning in Hastings, so we were hoping to get as far as Sydney. We were on I-80 a little past Rawlings, WY when a semi truck forced us off the road and onto the sloped median. Our car flipped three and a half times and I remember distinctly thinking, “This cannot be happening, this cannot be real.” I just kept praying, that when this car stops rolling, we would all still be alive."

We were all still alive. The pumping adrenalin made it feel like we got out of this in pretty good shape. A broken tooth, a hemorrhaged eye, scrapes, cuts, glass and so on. We were alive, without broken bones or any gaping wounds. Finley worried us the most. He got pummeled pretty badly by things flying around. He was listless, threw up, and seemed very, very tired. They airlifted him to a hospital that had a children’s E.R. in order to do some tests. This all was extremely nerve-wracking, but worth it to know that he had no brain swelling or bleeding. It was rough, physically and emotionally and logistically as Finley and I were taken to a different hospital as John and Elea.

The day after, I was in more pain than I had ever experienced in my life. Every muscle was screaming, and anxiety was high. That day passed in a blur, cramped in a car with six people.  I was in constant pain. My hand began swelling up like a balloon. I thought I would not make it through the next night when I found myself lying on the bathroom floor of a hotel room, trying not to pass out. Infection was spreading through my body causing sepsis and I had no idea it had gotten so bad so quickly. On the second day after the accident we made it to Kearney and I got help at a hospital, which was good for me physically, but terrible emotionally, as it separated me from the one thing I wanted to protect the most; my kids.

The next few days consisted of lots of antibiotics, surgery, a few whirlpool treatments and painkillers that completely wiped me out. Days in pain on the couch, days away from my kids, days full with tears of sadness about the things I did not get to do, friends I did not get to see, cancelled plans, meetings, activities and trips. It was the least fun I had ever had. And worries.  Lots of worries about insurance, bills, liability, all of it. But through it all, I also had peace. There was a sense of peace that I cannot explain. The sense of peace, knowing that it’s in God`s hands. The same peace I had at the beginning of our trip, when we were at the airport and my green card was not in my wallet, but an hour’s car ride at home. The same sense that carried me through while waiting for a miracle to unfold as God took hold of the situation and guided us through. There is nothing He cannot do; there is nothing out of His reach, out of His sphere of influence. He takes the broken and makes it whole again. He can mobilize people and traffic and make the impossible possible. He can speak peace into our hearts and minds even when our whole world gets flipped upside down three and a half times. He can send his angles to protect us and pediatricians to the side of the road and caring nurses and police officers who pick up a little girl’s coloring books that got sucked out of a shattered window and strewn across the median.

He’s got this. When crying out to Him is the only option you have left; when your hands are broken, there is no way to clench them; you have to give it all into His hands. There is no other way.

I know now, that all I want in life is to have that peace. His peace. All I want is this feeling, that no matter what this world throws at me, it is in His hands. I want my life to be full of situations where He shows up, where my hands are broken and I have no other choice than to give it up to Him, into His very capable ones.

These scars will last and I hope they will remind me of what he has done for us. How he turns tears into joy and grows new life from ashes of despair.  

Memories

It has been a few months since we went on a very eventful trip back to the States. We got to see so many people who are very dear to our hearts and spend time with old friends and family. We are so grateful for all the people who support our mission here in Germany, you all are a huge blessing to us. These last few months seemed like a never ending sequence of events with one thing chasing the other. We were just nonstop go go go. First our super long trip with major unexpected life changing craziness, that was our accident. Then English Summer Sport Camp. The day after camp, we moved to a new apartment, and the day after that we drove down to my parents' place for a family get together and to pick up our kids, who had been spending the week there so we could focus all our energy on English Summer Sport Camp.

This has been a lot, and now that the dust has settled and we are settling into a new place, a new rhythm, I find myself flashing back to the most joyful, but also the most painful moments of our trip. Today, a memory popped into my mind that had nothing to do with the accident, but non the less brought tears to my eyes.
I´m being very vulnerable here, and hope that someone can take something away from this.....
who am I kidding, I hope I can take something away from this and work through it by putting it out there.

It was during our week in SLC and we were sitting together with some of our former high school students from our church. It was mostly guys from John´s small group. Guys who had come over to our house almost every Sunday night; gathered in the basement to hang out, play video games and hopefully have some deep conversations. I have known all of those guys for years, they are like family. We were having so much fun, talking about old times and reminiscing about all the fun things we experienced together. I am so proud of the men they have become. So I was having a pretty good time until one of them said: "man, your guys´ kitchen was filthy".

At first I was shocked, and hurt. I really did not know what to say, or how to respond. I have never claimed to be a great house keeper. I love being organized but I know life on a day to day basis with little kids can get quite messy. But I was hurt so bad by his words. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to shout : " no it was not". I wanted to ask other people, what kind of memories they had of our kitchen. Honestly, I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to tell him all about postpartum depression and anxiety and how having kids without having family around to help out is so so hard and how some days cleaning my kitchen was the least of my worries. I wanted to remind him of the countless times I fed him, made cookies or hot chocolate, or whatnot, and if he thought my kitchen was so filthy, well then he did not have to eat any of my food, what was he doing in my kitchen anyways!

But I didn´t. I did not say any of those things. Even though I wanted him to see my point so badly, even though in my heart and in my head I wanted to be right, I didn´t press the issue; because honestly...I really should not care. If he thought my kitchen was a mess and that´s the only thing he took away from being at our house Sunday after Sunday, then I just feel sorry for him. If that is his only takeaway, then that´s on him. I cannot change that. No way of arguing is going to change his point of few. I sure hope that the state of our kitchen was not his only takeaway, but I also know that there were plenty of other guys in that Sunday night group who felt loved and cared for and accepted in our house. It is not about being right. It is not even about having a spotless house. It´s about loving people. And I sure love those guys and I hope they felt it. I guess I want to make peace with that memory and here is the takeaway for me. You are only responsible for your own actions. You are only responsible for the way you love people. You cannot force others to see it or accept it. If it falls on deaf ears or blind eyes, then it´s out of your control. You cannot force others to see that you care for them. If they want to ignore it, they will. It´s all about relationships and loving on people. And I pray, that my eyes will always be open to the ways people love  on me. And I hope my heart will remain open to keep loving.

So, we will keep opening our house and our lives to others, despite the mess, so that they may experience love and acceptance. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Lessons learned from the outback

Sometimes it hits me, quite painfully actually, that we have been here for just over a year and there are still situations where I make cultural faux-pas. I guess I assumed this would not be hard for me. I grew up in Germany, right? This should be easy. But lo and behold I suck at this. 

There are so many times when I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and afterwards I just cringe at my stupidity and cultural insensitivity. At our cultural assimilation class, we were told that we can expect some extra grace during this first time, since we are foreigners and might get away with a few things. But time and time again I feel like this might not apply to me since people assume I should have no problem in that field. Well, I do. So extra grace required, right here please.

I’ve started watching a show on NETFLIX. It’s from the 90’s and takes place in the Australian outback. Do I need to say more? It speaks for itself, that John refuses to watch it with me because it’s too 90’s. It’s about a cattle ranch in the outback, run by just women. One of them, the lead characters half sister, had been raised in the city, but after inheriting half of the ranch after her father’s death returned to country living. And she sucks at it. She does not know how to behave, what to say and not to say, or how to act around the animals. This gets her into quite some trouble. It’s funny of course but also tragic and quite unfair because this isn’t really her fault. She is just ignorant of how things are done in the outback. She does not know any better, no one has taught her the proper “country etiquette”. I can relate to her. It seems that whenever I get confident and think I got stuff figured out, something comes along to throw me off my game. I wish there was a pause button in everyday life. A button I could press and put everything on hold,  get an experts opinion, and then proceed with my day. Sadly there is not. There is only GRACE and FORGIVENESS and I am in need of a lot of those now a days. 

And as the show progresses, you root for her, she really makes an effort to belong, to learn from people and to step out of her comfort zone. And this is why we are here. I too will learn. I want to. I want to belong. I care about the people here, therefore I want to see the world through their eyes. This is a learning process and I know I have people in my life who cheer me on and root for me and celebrate the small victories of cultural assimilation me with.

Other than that, we are doing all right. I am sorry I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time. Life is busy and gets in the way of leisurely sitting down with a cup of tea and writing deep meaningful blog entries. So for now, this is all you get. Ramblings about the outback.

Almost family

Do you know that feeling when you finish a book, and it was so good it still keeps you under its spell? You are looking forward to dive back into the pages (or paper white screen) just to then realize that it’s all over. Finished. I totally get the whole concept of fan-fiction now. Some things are just too good to let go.

These last few weeks have been such a blur of excitement and crazy family time. So many little kids and adults trying to make it work under one roof. There was a lot of Holiday stress and always something going on. That was due to the fact that we had all 7 grandkids together in one place on some days. And the added stress of John being away for 3 weeks. It was a FUN time but it was also EXHAUSTING.

Not sharing a continent with my family for the last 9 years has not gone unnoticed even though I always thought we would just pick up where we had left off. We’ve all grown up during that time, got married and had kids. Those are some pretty major life events. We’ve all formed our own world views and outlook on things and stances on certain topics. We’ve all had to learn how to do life with or without close proximity to our family. But all of us cherish having a relationship with each other and our parents and see the value and the benefit of it.

I think I allowed myself to see these last few weeks as a complete break from reality. Something like reading a book. It was fiction. All of us living under one roof, doing life together. Especially spending time with my twin sister. Usually there is no need for us to talk, we just get each other. But just having her there, to take in that time, to just hang out and live in this close proximity just for a little while was quite special. To have my parents enjoy time with Finley and Elea, to see the bond between them form and to see them just utterly and completely delight in each other.

 I absolutely loved having that time with them. It felt like making good on some missed firsts. Like first steps, first Christmas, first birthdays, first words. Everything over the last 4 years of having kids felt like they missed out on.

 But then I also realized something big and wonderful.  During this time of being separated from family, John and I got to experience how wonderful it is to have brothers and sisters in Christ and to make friends who are like family.

 Having gotten to share our lives and kids with them is such an unforgettable, precious thing. If you have friends in your life who have cried with you and laughed with you and changed your baby’s diapers; then trust me they are family. Friends who text or stop by when you need it the most and watch your kids so you can take a shower or buy you groceries or a venti green tea frappucino on your birthday. I feel blessed to have had this time where God placed “family-like-friends” in my life. These friends who have become like family is what it’s all about. Living our lives and inviting people in to share in the joy and sadness. People who pray for you and have seen your messiness. People who scrub your sink because they love you and read a million books to your kids.   

These last three weeks of family time were wonderful, but I am also excited to be back in our little house, adding to our ever expanding family with new friends. 

Off the Map

I´ve been a little Off The Map lately so I just wanted to check in real quick. December blew by and we had so many things on our calendar, it was crazy. Elea was part of the Christmas Musical at church and it was just too cute. She loved singing and dancing and even Finley got into it, when she practiced her songs at home. We had a quiet early Christmas celebration at home on the 24th and left our house an the 25th.  Now John is in the States and I am spending this time at my parent's place. My twin sister and her kids decided to come too. Her husband is working on a project in Estonia and she did not feel like spending all of the kids' Christmas break alone at home without a car. So that was the best Christmas surprise ever !! But that also meant that everything got kind of crazy all of a sudden. You really don't get a lot done when you have 5 kids (ages 2 to 6) running around the house all day. But they are having fun! Way too much fun! It's so sweet seeing how they interact and "know" each other even though they have only seen each other in person a handful of times. So time keeps running and probably won't slow down until we are back at our little house in Wüstenrot.

I am trying to use this time to recharge and soak in having the kids and cousins and my siblings around. Sometimes it is weird because I have not lived here since 2008 and they had lives too. So we are starting to get to know each other anew is it sometimes hard and weird and needs alot of patience and tactfulness. But it is also fun and interesting to see what kind of parents we've become and how differently or similarly we handle situations. John has been in Utah now for over a week. He will be flying to Nebraska tomorrow, so if you would like to see him, contact him on facebook or via email. We miss our Papa but luckily Finley got an "air plane book" for Christmas, so every time we read it ( so about 2000 times a day) Finley reminds us that Papa flew with an airplane.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. We are excited for this new year and all the new things we will learn and work on, and get to be a part of. 2017 was a real rollercoaster ride and full of NEW things. Thank you all for your interest and your prayer support. We are so grateful and we love hearing from friends, knowing that we have not been forgotten yet.

Contextualization

We’ve been learning a lot lately about that word, and what it means for our lives here as missionaries.

Last week and this, we’ve been attending the Kontaktmission qualification course. This is a 10 day course designed for missionaries who have just recently joined KM or are about to join. There was a lot of information and we talked about many different things, but that word stuck with me.

Contextualization in a nutshell means, the process of integrating into a new culture; to study and observe it. It’s about adapting to the new “host culture” and getting familiar with it on every level. Mainly for the obvious purpose of being able to speak the gospel and God’s love into people’s lives in a way that is understandable and relevant to them. But it is indeed a process that is not only meant to make you communicate effectively, but it is all consuming because actions speak louder than words.

There is so much to that word and it really got me thinking about the last 9 years of my life and what contextualization had looked like for me in the US, even though I did not know that word at the time.

I wanna say I did pretty good, blending into the American culture, I mean I had my fair share of Café Rio,Ffrosties, and Starbucks drinks. I love going to malls and movies and having a big drink in my hand as much as any other average American….but did I unconsciously do things that might have hindered deep relationships from forming, because I was not willing to completely shed my “germanness” ? Were there things about me that made people cock their heads or roll their eyes? I know there are things about the American culture that still boggle my brain and make me cringe, but I just assumed that is normal for every culture. Even living in the same country for your entire life, inevitably there will be things other people do that you cannot agree with or see differently….as I said, I am still trying to process and file all of that.

Now being back in Germany, I can’t help but notice a certain hesitance in myself to completely contextualize. I almost feel that if I follow this process of “contextualization” and completely integrate into the German culture again, I will lose part of who I am. There is a fear that we will lose a part of who we are as a family.  I guess I am still trying to figure out how to embrace this culture again with all its differences, be it big or small, and to get back into the groove of being “German”. So what about us as a family? What about John and the kids? I guess deep down I am not ready to give up all those traditions. The things that make us who we are have been shaped by living in the US, and by being American. 

Will we open presents on Christmas eve, or wait until the morning of the 25^th? Does it matter? Will people view us differently because of our “differences”? Will my kids lose part of their identity, shedding all that is American? Will we become estranged to that culture? What is this process going to look like for John? How much of who he is and what I love about him is caught up in being American? Can he change in a way that opens doors for relationships here and still be himself?

I sometimes catch myself not knowing what to do or say. As I am readjusting to this culture that I have been away from for nearly 9 years, I often get caught off guard in not being able to be german. I lost all those phrases you use for small talk and it makes me very uncomfortable and insecure. I can’t even tell you how many times I say “sorry” just to then realize I should have probable said “Entschuldigung”; or how many times I forget to bring bags  to the store or how many times I still look for Quarters in my wallet. I am pretty sure the cashier at the local grocery store thinks I am a nutcase. There are even little things to relearning the culture such as writing the date. I cannot write the date correctly, it gets me every time.  Currently I find myself listening to Anne of Green Gables, just because I miss the English language…

Here is the worst part of all of this for me. In order to help John learn German quicker,I am trying, trying really hard, to speak more german to him and it is killing me on the inside because for the last 13 years he has been my source for speaking and writing English and it is the hardest thing to not speak English to him. It feels completely unnatural and is weirding me out.

Old habits die hard and things that have been ingrained and part of your everyday life are just hard to switch over.  But we’ve also seen some ways we are contextualizing that brings us closer together as a family and in embracing these things we are forming new traditions. Celebrating St. Martin’s Day (which falls on Elea’s birthday) with a lantern walk.  Finding things to do that are different but enjoyable.  John plays hokey with a group from the church Sunday evenings. Or experiencing Kindergarten for Elea. These are all things that are new to us but we have found that embracing them and participating in these helps to bring us closer to this culture.

Contextualization, I think, will be difficult and take some time. We are slowly getting there, one day at a time.  Thank you all for your support. I can’t tell you how much I miss all of our friends in SLC and Nebraska. We are having some busy months ahead, John will be back in SLC and the Omaha area over new years. So catch him if you can and treat him to some Starbucks or Scooters...he is having withdrawals ;) He would love to see you and catch up with you! 

Settled in...

Have you settled in yet ?

That’s a question we hear over and over again. And I usually answer yes, but how do you really know that you have indeed settled in.

This was a big move and the last few months, we, as a family, felt  everything but settled. I think ever since we put our house on the market back in March, started to sort things in piles, got rid of pretty much 90% of our earthly possessions, sold the house, moved to Nebraska and lived off whatever fit into a 5x8 ft trailer and a 3$ goodwill couch.

Settled sounds wonderful, settled sounds better than what we were doing for the last half year.  I like settled, but do I feel settled in?

Maybe a bit. I like getting all my things in order, having a set spot for everything. I am a messy person, so having order helps me. I like being organized and “settled in” fits right into that.

I think I desperately want to feel settled in and I think we are getting there. It’s a series of small steps.

Like hanging pictures and finding your way around town. Like not forgetting to take grocery bags to the store and remember that everything is closed on Sunday. Like getting to know your neighbors and knowing what day the ads come in the newspaper. Like knowing what response to give, not having to fumble for the right words or saying weird nonsensical things because you are still thinking in English.

I think we are getting there.

We’ve been invited over a lot the last few weeks, just getting to know people from the church and we are blown away by their hospitality and welcoming us in, and their commitment to the church and serving there. It is very encouraging to feel like we are all in this together. It’s not a one man show. We all work together in building the kingdom. We all have a part of it.

We are still having to settle into church life, find our roles and responsibilities. John is 3/4 through his 4 week intensive class and has learned a lot. He is very eager to know more and will most likely continue taking classes online.

I will admit to myself, we are still settling in. We are still in the process. Some things that we thought would be complicated turned out to not be a problem at all, and other things we did not even anticipate, are turning out to be a huge pain. As of today we have internet at our house. We are so grateful for all your support and prayers and sticking with us through the quiet times. Now that we are back on the World Wide Web we will be able to stay in touch better. If you would like to be added to our prayer update list, just shoot us a message on facebook. Thank you all for your love and support, we are so grateful to be able to serve here and have you all be a part of it. 

Until then, we will still be working on settling in; one small step at a time. 

The Arrival

We finally made it to our new home in Neuhuetten and met our new church family.

Our adventure started when we left last Friday to drive to Asperg which is about 40 minutes from Neuhuetten to stay the night and then visit the IKEA there early Saturday morning.

Some things to note: German roads are very crowded in the summer. We were stuck in traffic quite a few times on our way up there. And, german highways ( autobahn) are a lot smaller than US highways, so even though some stretches of road have no speed limit, it’s no good if a semi is trying to pass another semi and there are only two lanes.

Also, German IKEAS are very busy on Saturday mornings. It felt like we were going to an amusement park.

We got all our shopping done (we had done some online shopping before hand, so we’d only have to pick it up). We also got a used sleeper couch that we found on the local ebay section.  My cousin Philip borrowed a truck from his work and met us at IKEA to help transport everything (and lug the couch down 3 sets of stairs..sorry.

When we arrived at our new home, we were greeted by some families from the church who had prepared a typical “schwaebisch” lunch for us. Maultaschen…if you don’t know what that is, look it up. It’s great! The kids got to play on the playground and we had a lot of help moving our things in. Oh and there were flowers and balloons and they had already put our name on the mailbox and made us feel so so welcome. We were truly overwhelmed by all the help we received and how friendly the people here are. There was even dishsoap and candy and other essentials ;)

So we spent the rest of the afternoon (and the next day or two) setting up IKEA furniture. Elea even got to help put her own bed together. We bought some pizzas at the store and tried out our new oven. (once we figured out how it works….)

Our first night here was a little rough, but that’s understandable. The kids had had a really long day and were notably overtired.

Sunday morning we got to meet our new church family and again we were overwhelmed by the people who went out of their way to greet us and take an interest in us. They even sang many English songs, just for John. We said goodbye to Oma and Opa after church and had our first lunch at our new place as a family of four. We spent the afternoon with a family from church who took us on a tour around town and the church building.

It still feels so surreal that we are here now. During the church service we were introduced and the person preaching pointed out to the congregation what a great opportunity this is, having us here, to have someone with church experience come in and take a fresh look at things and being able to point things out that are going well but also things that could need improvement.

It is super humbling for us to be that kind of person for them. Our first service this morning was already such a great experience and knowing that they encourage us, giving input on things and being open to constructive criticism, takes a lot of pressure off.

We are looking forward to working and serving alongside them and developing new outreach opportunities.  Even though most ministries at the church are on summer break right now, we are already planning to plug in when things start up again in September. We are super excited to see what God has in store for us and his church here in Germany.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We will be able to stay in touch better once we get internet at our house… feels really strange being cut off from the World Wide Web.

Leaving Narnia...

We've been in Germany for almost a week now and it is still weird being here. It is even weirder thinking about not leaving, but actually staying, living and working here in Germany.

Being back at my parent's house is almost surreal because it feels like nothing has changed. I had been gone for the last 9 years and it still feels pretty much the same. The house, the neighborhood, the town....I can't help but feel like the Pevensie kids when they went through the wardrobe and lived a whole lifetime in Narnia, just to return and realize that no one had missed them. It all happened in the blink of an eye. They lived those lives in a parallel world, far away from England, experienced amazing things and when they got back, it didn't matter to anyone else, only to them.
 
By no means am I comparing the US with Narnia, but to some extend this is how I feel.
Maybe if you've grown up in a small town and visited a big city, coming back, you know what I am talking about. It feels like the world is spinning and now you know about it. Another analogy while I am at it...I feel like Frodo did when he returned to the Shire after destroying the one ring. (the movie version, not the book version) He experienced the whole wide world but back at home everything is still the same.

So, after this very long ramble of mine, just a few tidbits from our time here so far.

Saturday my grandparents had their big celebration (60th wedding anniversary). We spent some time with the whole family, eating cake and playing games. It was a fun time and we really enjoyed seeing everyone and they enjoyed seeing Finley and Elea.

Sunday, John got to attend a church service in Schopfheim with my parents' pastor. He is an american who has been pastoring their church for more than two years now and he was guest preaching at this church in the morning. They got to hang out and talk for a bit which was great. In the evening we attended the monthly worship and prayer evening service at my home church where my sister, John and I got to lead the congregation in a few worship songs. It felt very nostalgic singing with Hannah at our church where we used to be on the praise band and sing on stage pretty much every Sunday.

We are looking forward to connecting with people and getting to know the church in Wuestenrot very soon. Thank you all for following along, keeping us and our new ministry in your prayers and supporting us financially.

We feel very blessed to be here and are excited to start this new chapter.

Finally there...

So we made it to Germany alright. These last few days have gone by in a flash. Our travel went quite well. We caught all our flights and had no delays and even all our bags made it there. The kids got to sleep a little bit on the plane but we all ended up being pretty exhausted and tired by the end of our second flight. Jetlag hit us hard but the second night went a lot better than the first.
We are keeping very busy, getting paperwork done, spending time with family and adjusting to life in Germany. It is very weird being here and not just for a visit. We are super excited to start this new season of our life and are looking forward to these next few weeks. I will try to keep you posted on what is going on, but might be a little sporatic due to busyness and tiredness.

Almost there...

Our time in Nebraska is coming to a close and I figured I should give you all an update on our “USA bucket list”

Mexican food -We went to LaMESA and Finley kept flirting with the girls on the table next to us….that child.

Grilling s’mores -Our neighbors and some other people from the college had a bonfire and John and Elea got to go, even though it was really pushing her bedtime.

Going to a water park -We stayed one night at Big Wolf Lodge in Kansas City and the kids loved the water park. We pretty much spent all day there since we literally could not leave because our car was at the shop getting a new alternator.

Eating ice cream cake -We just had ice cream cake today to celebrate all of John’s family members who had birthdays in July.

Catching a firefly -Mommy caught some in a jar and we watched them glow in the dark bathroom ( the sun goes down after our kids’ bedtime)

Getting our nails done -We bought some non-toxic kid nail polish and we decided we will paint our nails together with Elea’s cousins when we are in Germany.

Malt Shake -We were planning on getting some in Clay Center at the little Diner where I had my very first malt Shake, but their ice cream machine was broken.

Fair -We were planning on going to the Fair during Papillion Days, but that same weekend was the tornado. The kids and I went for a little while but I had no cash with me so we didn’t get to ride any rides and it was super hot and then our car died on us, so it was a rather un-fun trip.

Time just flew by and of course there are a million things we’d still like to do. I just hope my kids will have some fun memories from our time here.

Everything is getting kind of hectic and we are very on edge.

It’s getting really real as we are trying to be organized about packing our life in 3 boxes, 3 suitcases and one duffel bag. We still have a lot of things we will probably end up storing at John’s dad’s place or donating.

It’s quite the struggle…there are things you want to take but it is impractical. Then there are things you need to take but you can’t pack yet because you need them until the very last day. Then there are things we’ve packed that we would like to take and will probably end up having to unpack to make room for very important things in the end…and so on…it’s really like having this Tetris game in the back of your head going on 24/7 and in the middle of the night you remember things you need to take and try to figure out where to pack them…..”Box #1 is at it’s weight max, but box #2 still has lots of room….the duffel bag is full room wise but still has a lot of weight capacity left, maybe if we move some clothes from there over to the black suitcase, then that book can be in the duffel bag and….so on and so on…you get the gist.

Wrapping up our lives here is sad and complicated and really bitter sweet. I already know there are so many things and so many people I will miss. It will be weird coming back here to “visit”. Right now it is hard to picture because for the last 9 years we would go to Germany to “visit”. I am really antsy to leave but also would love to stay here longer. It’s so fun catching up with old friends and then it’s sad because we knew our time here was very limited.

We know God has a plan and He is good, so His plans are good. We trust in Him and His timing and His provision. We feel so blessed to be able to follow His call and we are humbled by our brothers and sisters in Christ coming alongside us and supporting us in our ministry. Looking forward to writing our fist blog entry from Germany soon. Then this blog title will finally make sense. 

Coming full circle

13 years ago I started my American adventure. I was 17 years old, or young, and had never been to the U.S. I remember standing in the immigration line at Chicago O’Hare and seeing a water fountain by the restrooms. I thought it was the coolest thing! (there are no water fountains in Germany) I was so so nervous meeting my host family and I think there were thousands of times where I thought up the perfect thing to say in my mind but then was too nervous to say it out loud (introvert problems). They probably thought I was the strangest person ever, and they still laugh about my quirks. But they took me in and fed me stakes and potatoes and butternut squash which was so delicious, I still remember it to this day.

I had an amazing time that year and made some lifelong friends, but I could have never imagined the way God used that year to set the course for the rest of my life.

In Nebraska I met John, and the rest is history.

So this last weekend, when we visited my host family on their farm in rural Nebraska, it felt like coming full circle. I said goodbye to my life in the States. Goodbye to endless skies and fireflies, and I cried. Sad tears, and happy tears, about this amazing God of ours who would in His grace and infinite wisdom let me experience such a wonderful time in this strange land; happy to have done it all and sad to see it come to a close. That view from the kitchen window, seeing the cardinals, will always be home in my heart.

These last 9 years I’ve spent in the US, plus the year I was an exchange student have grown me so much and in so many ways. Had I stayed in Germany, had I stayed in my comfort zone, I am sure I would be a completely different person.

God grows us and prepares us sometimes in ways we don’t even notice.

I’ve had so many opportunities to grow and learn, in so many different areas of my life, and only looking back, and seeing God’s plan in it all, will it make sense.

John and I were talking about how living and working in Salt Lake City the last few years had, unbeknownst to us, prepared us for our ministry in Germany.

At Southeast Christian Church, John had the opportunity to serve in multiple areas of church life. Student and Children’s Ministry, Worship Ministry and preaching. How awesome is it that he got to try his hand at all these things and learn on the job. He now has a way better understanding of all the different ministries as if he’d just been responsible for one area. But God knows, and God prepares us for the work He has chosen for us.

I got to work with Students and Kids and preschool kids and even with juvenile delinquents.

I got to be part of a worship and student ministry and plan events and go on camps.

I had to overcome my fear of public speaking and find my own voice. I most definitely still have a long ways to go, but God is never done working on our hearts.

Not only are we excited to be learning from the Church in Germany but we are also looking forward to share our skills, experience, and heart with them. We’re hoping to learn from each other, to become all things to all people so that by all possible means we might save one.

And when we will be working on putting together a team for a church plant, all that experience will help John, lead others in their various roles.

We had a lot going on these last few weeks. We took a short trip to Kansas City and our car died on the side of the road. Yes it was stressful and yes it was annoying and yes we we’re quite upset, but no one got hurt and we still made a fun trip out of it.

John was invited to be the camp missionary for Camp of the Good Shepherd last week. He got to hang out with some high schoolers and share our new mission. It was a fun time and we hope God will do great things with this next generation.  

This last weekend we enjoyed the good life, farm life! Finley was absolutely thrilled. Things with wheels everywhere!! One time we lost him and found him again trying to climb up into a semi-truck. (He didn’t even make it up the first step) It was a wonderful time and it flew by too fast. 

We are admittedly a bit stressed, as things are coming to a close here (only 2 weeks till departure) but also excited and thankful to have so many friends here in the US praying for us and supporting our ministry. Thank you all for being a part of this. 

P.S. John started his own blog where he will share some thoughts about our ministry, life and such. Please hop over and read...      www.Fadedself.blogspot.com

Into the storm

Last Friday we got to experience something very common for the Midwest that was definitely not on our “U.S.-bucket-list”. A tornado. Or more precisely two tornadoes were confirmed in the Omaha/Bellevue area. The College where we are staying at only sustained minor damage, but a lot of power lines and trees were down in the area. Biggest loss for us was the neighbor’s trampoline that is still nowhere to be found.  

We were out of power for two days and during that time our car battery also decided to die on us. So needless to say we had a very interesting weekend. But God is good, and God is the same. In our highs, in our lows, He loves us the same. Our circumstances do not reflect the love God has for us. He showed how much He loves us on the cross and whatever the world throws at us, He is there with us. And when disaster strikes, we have the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus. We were so blessed that nothing serious happened to our place, so John spent most of the weekend helping with clean up efforts. 

Fun side note…John and I had left our sleeping kids at home and the baby monitors with our next door neighbors and spent the evening at a friend’s house. We only saw a power flicker as we were playing games in the basement and as we walked outside 2 hours later, everything was over. All the while our poor neighbor was faced with 135mph winds and a power outage.

In retrospect, I am really grateful that we missed the whole thing because I would have FREAKED OUT. Our kids slept through the whole thing and in the morning we went on a fun scavenger hunt through the corn field to find sand toys and other treasures.

But into the storm does not only describe this last weekend. We are kind of bracing ourselves for the coming weeks. We have 5 more weeks left here.  That is only 5 short weeks to get to the level of support that we need so John does not have to come back to do more support raising after we’ve gotten settled in Germany. 5 more weeks to schedule things and meet with people. 5 more weeks to get all the paperwork done, register for language school, find a Kindergarten for Elea, sign papers and have all our documents translated and so on and so on. 5 more weeks to make memories and enjoy the American way of life and food and "strobe-light-like fireflies"…yah it’s like an 80’s disco outside our house once the sun is down.  We are so grateful for you all and the friendships we got to make these last years. We are so incredibly blessed and humbled to get to go and share God’s love with others. Thank you all for keeping us in your prayers, it is very much appreciated. 

Tug of war and I love yous

This is such a weird transition time we are finding ourselves in right now.

Some days I feel like I just want to grab the kids, hop on an airplane and go.  Other days I want to settle in and stay here as long as possible. Soak it all in. The way the air smells after the rain. The familiar bird songs in the morning. The huge cloud formations and breathtaking sunsets and the amazing thunderstorms of the Midwest.

I remember the very first time I saw the milky way in the night sky and the first time I saw a firefly.

The sound of the cicadas and the warm humid air. So many memories, and so many things I wish for my kids to experience before we are moving to a different continent. 

So we are working on our "US-bucket list".

√  Mexican Food

√ Grilling S’mores

Going to a waterpark

Eating Ice cream cake

Malt Shake

Fair

Getting our nails done ( Elea, not Finley)

Catching a firefly

All the while we are also really excited to be heading to Germany.

Everyday seems like we are playing tug of war in our minds. Things that keep us here and things that pull us there. Sometimes even things that push us there and things that hold us back.

The anticipation is killing me with the dread of leaving. (if you know what I mean)

We are truly in limbo right now and it’s hard. We want to spend time with friends and family but sometimes it seems difficult because we have not been around for so long and we will be gone again soon.

I know how it is. I’ve spent plenty of time in my life being torn between two worlds. Whenever I am in the States, I miss my family in Germany and whenever I am in Germany on vacation, I miss the US and my life there.

This will be a huge step and I have to change my way of thinking. This won’t be vacation. This will be hard and tedious immigration all over again.

I am not looking forward to all the bureaucratic hullabaloo. I am not looking forward to feeling like I don’t belong, trying to find my identity again. I want to fit in, but then I also don’t. I don’t want people to look at me and automatically assume I am German. Because I am, but then I’m also not. I wish to think that over these last 9 years I have acquired some American trades or characteristics. I’ve loved living in America and I sure hope that it has become part of my personality to some extent.

I don’t want to lose that part of me.

This is a difficult transition for me. I know I should speak more German with John, so he can learn, but it is so ridiculously hard. I speak German with the kids all day long, but with John it’s different. English has always been our language. He was my teacher, my confidante, my tutor.  So much of who I am and how I talk and express myself is wrapped up in the English language. Man I love English. Some things you just cannot say or express that well in German. And the more I learned English, the more it pulled me in. Speaking English to me has always been that way. I just want more. Reading Jane Austen or listening to RelientK. I just love it.

So breaking from that with John, severing that very special tie we had with language over the years is very difficult. I know it has to be done though. I want to support him as much as possible in learning quickly, doing the very same thing for me that he did for me years ago and still is doing.

But I will always say” I love you”. I don’t think that will ever change languages.

Some days feel slow and some days feel fast. Our calendar is like this entity, looming over us and the to-do-list is long and for every day that passes I feel like we should have done more or worked harder.

Some days I say “ it is what it is and it’s all in God’s hands” and other days I frantically try to do it on my own. We are still struggling to find a work/fun balance and I guess no matter what you do and how you divvy up your time, you will always have regrets in the end.

But “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases

    his mercies never come to an end;
 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23

Thank you all for being in our lives as we embark on this journey.

Please let us know if you have any questions regarding our new ministry or if you have any bucket list suggestions. 

Dandelions...

This was an eventful weekend for us. On Saturday we had a dessert presentation hosted by some friends. It was great to see some people who we had not seen in a long time and catch up. On Sunday morning we had the opportunity to share in two different Sunday School classes at the church where John grew up (Calvary Christian)

Within those classes we talked a lot about dandelions. For years the dandelion was an image used for Calvary. We talked about how we grow and mature in our faith and when the time is right…puff...God  sends us somewhere else. How amazing to think that people all over the world are preaching the gospel to the un-reached, because they didn’t stay where they grew up. At one point they left their home church and ventured out. Like a dandelion seed is blown by the wind, so the spirit of God moves people to answer the call of the great commission. Go into all the world.

So as we presented in these classes, I couldn’t help but think about Calvary as John’s home church. This is where he grew up. This is where his relationship with Jesus started, where his faith was nurtured and matured and now they get to see him go off, into a different part of the world to help others get to know Jesus and mature in their faith.

I love dandelions and I love that imagery. Elea loves to blow dandelion seeds all the time. Sometimes I want to tell her not to do it because, we all know they grow and multiply like crazy and they are hard to get rid of, and they grow everywhere. No matter how dry or hard the ground is, you can be sure there will be a dandelion somewhere. I’ve even seen them grow right through concrete.But these are exactly the qualities we want to have as believers. We don’t just want to stay in our safe little spot. We want to go out and reach the hard to reach places. We want to spread the gospel. We want to plant churches for people to get to know Christ and mature in their faith and then send them off to do the same in a different place. How amazing would it be if years down  the road John and I could see someone…puff…be blown into a different part of this world to spread the gospel. 

Dedicated

This is John, I would like to take a moment to share a few thoughts.

Today we were able to worship with family and witness my cousin Karalynn and her husband Caleb dedicate their son Ephraim. They stood in front of Kingsway Christian Church and vowed to raise their son, as best they are able, to know and love Jesus. Both Mirjam and I are blessed that we grew up in families where we had parents who were dedicated to loving Jesus and teaching their children to love Jesus. 

Dictionary.com defines dedicated as: devoted to a task or purpose; having single-minded loyalty or integrity. Or: exclusively allocated to or intended for a particular service or purpose. So what are you dedicated to? I know that my parents were dedicated to raising me to know and love Jesus (just as Caleb and Karalynn are dedicated to raising Ephraim), but at some point I had to make a choice for myself. Would my life be dedicated to Jesus? Will my life be devoted to, have loyalty toward, and be exclusively allocated toward Jesus? 

So many people dedicate their lives to things that ultimately leave them empty. I have seen people dedicated to sports, careers, entertainment, accumulating riches, boyfriends, girlfriends, all of which have left them empty. Sports injuries happen. Careers end. Entertainment only lasts so long, riches rust and go away..... But Jesus never leaves you empty. In Jesus there is hope, healing, and life. Mark 10 28-31 says this

Then Peter spoke up, “We have left everything to follow you!”

29“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel 30will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. 31But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

This weekend marks seven years from when we left Omaha, Nebraska for Salt Lake City, Utah. We were dedicated to whatever Jesus was calling us to do there. Over these past seven years we have seen people surrender their lives to Christ and be baptized, young people grow into leaders, and made many friends. I look back at "John & Mirjam Curry of seven years ago" and I think about how young we were. How naive and impressionable. But we were dedicated. We are missing all of our friends back in Salt Lake City. We are missing the mountains, our house, our neighborhood, and shopping at Winco. But we are dedicated. We are dedicated to Jesus and living a life that tells others about Jesus. We are dedicated to making disciples and planting churches. We are dedicated because we know that life in Jesus is so much better than anything else; and a life dedicated to Jesus will not leave a person empty. 

As we prepare to go to Germany with Kontaktmission we continue to be dedicated to Jesus. If you would like to partner with us either financially or through prayer please e-mail: jcurry2k5@gmail.com.